


a life not lived

by stonefreeak



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 09:08:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28348923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stonefreeak/pseuds/stonefreeak
Summary: The Jedi Order managed to find Ky Narec and his padawan on Rattatak, and so Asajj Ventress gets to grow up in the Jedi Temple.
Relationships: Anakin Skywalker & Asajj Ventress, Dooku & Asajj Ventress, Ky Narec & Asajj Ventress
Comments: 5
Kudos: 71
Collections: Chill Winter Exchange 2020





	a life not lived

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dendral](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dendral/gifts).



Asajj Ventress shivers as the wind blows right through the robes she's wearing. She pulls them closer to herself in a futile attempt to keep herself warm, but she knows from previous experience that it's doomed to fail. Wind will go through almost _anything_ and sometimes no amount of layers can help.

She wishes she had a rain poncho, their material is just about the only thing that will keep out wind. She'll never leave the Temple without a rain poncho in her packing ever again.

Of course, she's _never_ going to admit as much to Master Narec, because he _told_ her to pack a rain poncho and she rolled her eyes and didn't because why would she need a _rain_ poncho on a _desert_ world.

She just hadn't counted on said desert would being so windy. Which, the wind wouldn't have been so big of a problem if it wasn't for the fact that _apparently,_ deserts can get really really cold during the night. So here she is, huddling inside a little desert cave, unable to keep a fire alive due to the strong wind, and for the same reason unable to keep herself warm.

Stupid desert storm getting her and Master Narec separated. She's just lucky she managed to find _some_ form of shelter, even though the only part of the little cave that's even mostly out of the wind is only barely enough for her to hide in, and certainly not enough to cover a fire. Which of course means that she has nothing except her own body heat to keep herself warm. She's staying off the ground though, she knows better than to let the cold sand sap her of heat. So. At the end of the day though, she's still really cold.

But at least she's not getting her skin ripped off by the harsh sand winds. It's not much, but she'll take it.

The night passes slowly to the sounds and sensations of howling wind. It's only towards what Asajj deduces to be early morning that the winds finally come to a halt, and the desert grows still and quiet.

She slowly staggers to her feet—off from her backpack—her limbs feeling stiff and cold. She fishes a slightly squished rations bar out of her bag and eats it in a few quick bites. She needs to go search for Master Narec as soon as possible, but she can't do it on an empty stomach. Or, she probably _could_ , but she definitely _shouldn't_. If she tried it, Master Narec would go do his little gossip routine and the next thing she knows, Luminara's going to pull her in for another one of those "it is very important to care for your body during missions, else you risk not being able to perform to your best ability" talks she does sometimes.

She's always _nice_ about it, but it's also kind of embarrassing because Luminara Unduli is cool as hell and Asajj doesn't want her to worry about her as if she was a little kid. Besides, it's not like Asajj sometimes goes to long without food _on purpose_. Being a former slave just does weird things to you, even after you're freed and have and are receiving help dealing with it.

She stumbles through the desert, searching both the surrounding area _and_ the Force. It takes several hours, but once she finally senses another mind brushing against hers, she nearly sobs with the comfort it brings her.

"Asajj!" Master Narec's voice echoes from behind the mountains to the east and as she comes around some cliffs, she finally sees her master and their speeder.

He pulls her into a hug and she basks in his presence in the Force.

"I feared the worst, Padawan," her master whispers into her hair.

"I'm cold, but I'm fine," she says, swallowing hard to choke down the tears that try to spring back up. Now that he's here, now that she's _safe_ , she lets herself feel the fear she forced herself to ignore during the long long night of curling in on herself to try and stay warm. She missed him so much.

It had been like those horrible horrible years on Rattatak, when she was a lonely, abused slave, back before Ky Narec found her. He found her, and he stayed with her and took her in as his padawan. He never let her go cold like that ever again, making sure that during the cold nights they huddled together to keep warm even if a fire couldn't be stoked. Made sure that _he_ took the brunt of the cold rather than her.

If he hadn't taken her in... Well. She wouldn't have been brought with him to the Temple when the Jedi finally managed to locate Master Narec.

She hadn't allowed herself to feel the fear of being back on her own, desperate to avoid a trauma feedback loop. Now... now that she's _safe_ and her teacher is _here_... She lets herself break down into tears in his arms. She lets herself release all her fears into a loud sobbing session, even as she felt her Master's presence brush calmly against her in the Force, gently soothing her.

Now she can let go of her control of her emotions, because now she's _safe_ and it's safe for her to do so.

"You did very well, Asajj. You made it through and we found each other again. You're okay, and we're going to finish this mission and return to the Temple immediately. I am so proud of you."

She smiles through her tears. She's safe. She'll never have to go back to how it was like on Rattatak ever again.

  


* * *

  


Asajj sits on a bench in the training hall watching Knight Unduli and Knight Kenobi—Luminara and Obi-Wan, as she can't help but think about them—go toe to toe in a Jar'Kai sparring match.

She watches in amazement as they twirl around each other, blades clashing and neither one of them giving a single inch. It's a spectacular display, and it makes her hands _itch_. Master Narec has promised her that as soon as he considers her advanced enough with her Makashi—he's even roped _Master Dooku himself_ into helping her—he will let her add Jar'Kai to her repertoire.

She _knows_ it's what she wants, and seeing two experts utilising it and fighting just makes her longing deeper. But she also knows that the wait will be worth it, and that her Master is making her wait for her own good. He wants her to have a solid foundation with one blade before he lets her add another.

Knowing this doesn't make her any less eager to begin, of course.

She's probably going to ask Master Narec to get Luminara—Knight Unduli—to help her. If only because Padawan Skywalker is so annoying and clingy with Knight Kenobi and it makes her want to keep out of their path.

Master Narec has _tried_ to get her to interact more with Skywalker, as they're decently close in age and rank... But she can't stand him. She finds him whiny and annoying, and she can _tell_ he doesn't just dislike to be told no, to have to accept things not going his way, he absolutely _hates_ it. She finds it outright uncomfortable. Kenobi has infinite patience with the little beast, but Asajj herself has none.

She knows that they share similar stories: child slaves lucky enough to be freed and taken in by the Jedi. It's not something that the general Temple is told about, of course, since it's none of their business. But she and Skywalker were brought together so they could have someone who understood them, who knew what they'd gone through. At least, Asajj knows that was the idea behind it. She was asked before they told Skywalker, so obviously they didn't share names at first. If she'd known that it would be _Skywalker_ , she would have said know. She knows that finding support groups and support pairs for Jedi who have suffered similar things has helped many, she knows it won't help _them_ specifically.

Where Asajj has taken to what the Jedi teach her, _relishes_ in having _something_ that is hers, a community and a culture that belongs to her and cannot be taken from her, because it will always exist within her memories and the Force, and the Force is always there... Skywalker is frustratingly bad at accepting even the smallest of changes. He doesn't seem to want to do _anything_ except spar or play around with machines. He doesn't seem to care about learning anything else.

It's ridiculous.

She doesn't know him and she doesn't _want_ to know him, shared experiences or no.

She prefers to hang out with Aayla Secura. Excellent sparring partner _and_ Asajj is sure she's going to be an amazing Jedi in the future, even with such a lax and free-spirited master like Knight Vos. Not to mention, as a Twi'Lek, she knows a thing or two about slavery even if she herself was never a slave. So really, Asajj feels more comfortable talking about it with her anyway.

Not to mention, she and Aayla have a small bet on who will reach Knight first, and some good-natured competition is good for your dedication to a task, Asajj is sure of it. Master Narec may shake his head and say that reaching knighthood is not a race and that everyone must reach it at their own pace, that the timing is different for everyone, and that everyone must go at their own pace until the time comes when they are ready.

Which, Asajj is sure Master Narec is right about that, but she and Aayla are _still_ curious about who's going to reach Knighthood first and Asajj is _still_ going to bet that it's her! And it's not like whoever gets there first is going to mock the other, that's not the _point_ of it.

Knight Luminara dodges beneath Knight Kenobi's swing and makes a fucking _fantastic_ sweep-stab combo with her blades, and Asajj may actually be a little bit in love. She is going to learn Jar'Kai, and _no one_ can stop her.

  


* * *

  


Asajj Ventress knows that there is something wrong with Master Dooku.

He takes good care in teaching her Makashi, seems to _relish_ in having a dedicated student, practically lighting up in the Force whenever she applies herself properly to his teachings. But she has also noticed that he is... fragile. He seems to be sad a lot, and spends a lot of time meditating and sleeping, often in the presence of Master Yoda.

She doesn't know why—she's heard rumours that it has to do with the death of his former padawan, the late Master Qui-Gon Jinn—but whatever the reason, she hopes he'll feel better soon.

She doesn't like to gossip—it's rude and can easily cause harm to come to others—but from what Asajj has seen, Master Dooku is very fond of Knight Kenobi, but doesn't not appreciate Padawan Skywalker's company. He isn't _rude_ or mean, or even trying to avoid him—from what Asajj has seen anyway—but he seems to more tolerate his presence than enjoy it.

She thinks Knight Kenobi must have noticed, because he seems to visit Master Dooku alone far more often than he brings Padawan Skywalker with him. Which is smart of him, Asajj thinks, because sometimes there's really nothing to do except keep clashing personalities apart for their own comfort. As much as possible anyway.

Perhaps it's Padawan Skywalker's... exuberant personality... that clashes with master Dooku's—possibly temporary—need for peace and quiet. Perhaps they'll get along in the future.

Perhaps they never will.

It's not really any of Asajj's business, though she _is_ very fond of Master Dooku.

  


* * *

  


Rolling her shoulders, Asajj walks through the Jedi Temple—her home. She doesn't know where her future will take her, exactly, but she knows that whatever she will face, we will overcome. After all: she doesn't only have a community that will stand behind her, help her if she falls, and committed to teaching her how to move forward... It's more than that. She has a family and a community, she has friends and teachers and a culture that is hers now.

She has a future separate from the horrors of her past.

She has the Force, and it is a powerful ally indeed.


End file.
